What if I had done this and that? In fact why don't we go all the way back to my birth? What if I wasn't born? I remember listening to one of my friends talking about all these hypothetical situations and asking with no end in sight the question “what if?” I could see that something was clearly troubling him, but his litany of “what ifs" was only hindering him from simply moving on. From what I was hearing, he seemed to see himself in an abyss and was certain he was going to see worse. "What ifs" generated more "what ifs" and he seemed to funnel himself into a fuzzy rabbit hole of rainbows and unicorns or perhaps a black hole of regret, doubt, and doom.
But if you accepted and were living up to your current state right now would the answers have been the same? Would the "what if" question have prompted you to view your past in that ultra-negative light? Will there ever be an end to the "what ifs"? Because sometimes the result may be due to your choice but many times there are uncontrollable externalities. I honestly think that this madness would only obscure you from what's important-sustained progress. But directly telling my friend that wouldn't solve the problems and the agitation he was going through. And despite feeling that way, I find that when I’m troubled, I start generating my own “what ifs” as well.
Sometimes wearing nearsighted lenses looking back to the “good old” days and at other times wearing farsighted lenses trying to imagine the future, I often feel like a cyclops stuck in a dysfunctional time machine wandering and sometimes stuck in time. I know it would do me little good, but there are times when I can't help it. In this confusion, the question “what if?” seems to pose itself in my current state with a tone of regret.
After having worked 4 hours on the weekend moving heavy bricks up the mountain, delivered chicken just a few hours ago for chicken day, and scheduled cleaning appointments tomorrow lunch and dinner, "what if" makes me regret my transition from a student to an oxygen mask wearing patient who has to pant and clean and carry bricks and clean umbrellas to keep breathing.
What if I had just mustered up the will to get up and force myself to zombie walk to morning exercise? Then, wouldn’t I have not started my weekend hauling bricks? What if I had just gone to school early like my roommate does? Then, wouldn't I have not missed classes to ride around campus in a truck looking for useless toil? What if my excuse that everyone’s eating ramen and I’m the only one unlucky to get caught multiple times was wrong?
But if you accepted and were living up to your current state right now would the answers have been the same? Would the "what if" question have prompted you to view your past in that ultra-negative light? Will there ever be an end to the "what ifs"? Because sometimes the result may be due to your choice but many times there are uncontrollable externalities. I honestly think that this madness would only obscure you from what's important-sustained progress. But directly telling my friend that wouldn't solve the problems and the agitation he was going through. And despite feeling that way, I find that when I’m troubled, I start generating my own “what ifs” as well.
Sometimes wearing nearsighted lenses looking back to the “good old” days and at other times wearing farsighted lenses trying to imagine the future, I often feel like a cyclops stuck in a dysfunctional time machine wandering and sometimes stuck in time. I know it would do me little good, but there are times when I can't help it. In this confusion, the question “what if?” seems to pose itself in my current state with a tone of regret.
After having worked 4 hours on the weekend moving heavy bricks up the mountain, delivered chicken just a few hours ago for chicken day, and scheduled cleaning appointments tomorrow lunch and dinner, "what if" makes me regret my transition from a student to an oxygen mask wearing patient who has to pant and clean and carry bricks and clean umbrellas to keep breathing.
What if I had just mustered up the will to get up and force myself to zombie walk to morning exercise? Then, wouldn’t I have not started my weekend hauling bricks? What if I had just gone to school early like my roommate does? Then, wouldn't I have not missed classes to ride around campus in a truck looking for useless toil? What if my excuse that everyone’s eating ramen and I’m the only one unlucky to get caught multiple times was wrong?
And from there I find myself falling into the trap of "what ifs" going back to all that I regret other than penalty points. "What if" followed by regret and blame and sometimes excuse. Everyone has some deep crevices or some festering wounds that are bandaged and given less emphasis to in order to continue moving on.
The problem of the trap of "what if" seems not to be the question itself, but the attitude of the person answering it. Am I asking and answering questions in a manner that is conducive to progress, or am I falling into the trap of self-generated negativity triggered by "what ifs"? It's always time for me to stop asking negative "what ifs" questions about what is past, reduce the number of potential regretful "what if" moments by acting in the present, and to imagine and aspire for positive "what ifs" of the future to become a reality.
The problem of the trap of "what if" seems not to be the question itself, but the attitude of the person answering it. Am I asking and answering questions in a manner that is conducive to progress, or am I falling into the trap of self-generated negativity triggered by "what ifs"? It's always time for me to stop asking negative "what ifs" questions about what is past, reduce the number of potential regretful "what if" moments by acting in the present, and to imagine and aspire for positive "what ifs" of the future to become a reality.
